Hello 2020

I have officially left my youthful decade behind me. I’m sure that sounds a little ridiculous, since I’m only 23, but by end of 2030, I’ll be 34 years old. Who knows? I could be 50 pounds lighter, married, with children, in a different country, have a job I never imagined, etc. Exciting…but also scary haha.

Anyway, December/January has been a time of exploration for me. And yes, I’m referring to my diet. Doing the DietBet did spur me into action, craving results, but kind of in a bad way. I do want to lose weight quickly, don’t get me wrong, but I also know that our bodies have a tendency to do whatever they want, despite our efforts. I don’t mind letting my body do its thing and respect the process. But the immediacy of the DietBet timer ticking down made me anxious and pushing for that number on the scale. So, I tried switching things up a lot to see what worked. And I did manage to win my DietBets. GREAT feeling. But I spiraled right after. I’m a stress-eater by nature and that honestly wasn’t stress I needed to add to myself on top of my normal stressors. I slipped out of Keto for like a solid 2 weeks. While I was disappointed in myself a little, I didn’t beat myself up.

2020 (so far) has proven itself good to me mentally. I have refocused myself and my goals. I am not striving for perfection, just a better health and a better relationship with food and my own body. After my 2-week break from Keto, I redetermined my goals. I’d always looked at my weight loss journeys in kind of a gimmicky way (even Keto). I would do a certain workout or certain eating regime for X amount of time, beat myself up when I failed to adhere to it, and stress/depress eat my way back to my original weight. However, so far this year, I’m trying to take a more wholistic approach to my health.

What do I mean? I really want to lose weight, for a number of reasons, but that has never motivated me long-term. I’m really trying to focus on health this year in general. Loving and treating myself well. The ways in which I’m doing that, for example, is by focusing more on self-care. Shameful as it is, I don’t take care of my appearance as well as I should. I’m the kind of girl who rarely puts on makeup and puts little to no effort into her skincare routine or wardrobe or perfume. Not that I’m a slob who smells and doesn’t bathe or anything like that, but to be honest, I’ve always had very low self-esteem so I’ve kinda always told myself, “Why bother? It’ll never be enough.” Sometimes, I do put on a cute outfit and makeup, etc, but more often than not, no. So, I have decided to start treating myself better this year by putting more effort into my self-care. Increasing the number of steps in my skincare routine and putting more effort into my wardrobe etc. I have not been wearing makeup more often or anything like that, but I am trying to redefine how I feel about the whole process. To see it all not as a lot of (wasted) effort, but a way that I can care for myself and express myself.

Food has also always been a trigger for me. I love love love sweets and fried foods, but they are not healthy. Though I have to admit, avoiding them for the rest of my life would be absolutely miserable. So I’m just not gonna. I do want to stick to a Keto diet for now and a long-term lower carb diet, but I still want to enjoy going out with friends and things like that. Moderation and control is key. It’s difficult not to have an all-or-nothing mindset, especially when it comes to Keto and it can be so easy to kick yourself out of ketosis. But I have to tell myself that it’s not the end of the world. Just get back into it. Honestly, I went out of town with my friend on a daytrip and we saw a Krispy Kreme. I bought myself a glazed doughnut, and I do not regret it at all. It tasted so much of home which might sound silly, but it did. And then, I went on about my day. Still eating as planned, still working out when I got home.

Speaking of workouts, I am also making a more concentrated effort to workout. I’m taking the approach that something is better than nothing. Whether or not I adhered perfectly to my diet for the day. Whether or not I feel like doing it. Whether I do a set workout program or a random 10-minute video on Youtube. Some days I workout and feel like a Boss. Other days I feel like a limp noodle. But I love increasing my strength and knowing that my body is better for it.

I’m also trying to focus on doing things that I enjoy. I’ve started reading more again, going to karaoke, studying Korean, and hanging out with friends more. Lately, I had mindlessly watched Youtube or Netflix in lieu of doing anything productive, and honestly it’s draining mentally. It just gives me an empty feeling rather than a fulfilled one.

So, that is where I am right now. Just trying to live a better life, not just chase after that number on the scale. Actually right now I am in the middle of a fast. I only intended it to be 3 days, but I’m approaching the end of my 72 hours and it has been a breeze, so I might just see how long I can go. I feel very calm and zen on this fast and I feel like it has been good to my body. Due to my 2 weeks of cheating, I probably won’t win my current DietBets but I am okay with that. You win some, you lose some. I know that as I focus more on my health and mindful eating, the weight will come off. It’s still a journey, not a race. 🙂

Here we go again

Hello it has been a little while since my last update. Why? Because I retreated back into old habits. The amazing journey I started in May….finished in August. I started letting excuses and stress pile up and used them as a reason not only to delay getting back into Keto, but being healthy at all or working out. I saw the progress slide away as my body returned to its original state. As the pounds and inches accumulated, I cowered. I stayed away from the scale, shrugged my shoulders and told myself “well I’ve always been fat”. I stopped posting on my Keto instagram page and stopped updating on this blog, because I felt like I had failed wholeheartedly and I was ashamed.

Part of me feels like a hypocrite. After everything I said and did during my Keto journey and all the growth I thought I had managed, I so easily and quickly undid all my progress. It did teach me one thing for sure: old habits die hard. The thing about Keto was that while I was in ketosis and focused, everything seemed to go so smoothly. I wasn’t really hungry, I felt good, I was motivated to workout, I was confident enough to go out with my friends and I was happy enough with my progress to resist cheating, and I was able to resist cravings most of the time. But allowing myself to cheat my way out of ketosis and then allowing excuses and reasons to pile up, pushing back my re-start date, was a mistake.

Now, it is almost like the whole process is renewed. I’ve been attempting to get back into Keto for the last couple months, and I would not even last 2 days. Then I would feel bad about myself and just eat more bad things, promising myself a fresh start the following week. But the thing is, punishing and hating yourself gets you nowhere. Sticking to a weight-loss or health plan won’t be successful if motivated by self-hate, only the desire and courage to be better and treat your body better.

So, here I am again. Humbled and (hopefully) wiser. Having gained back almost all the weight (sitting at approximately 95.5kg or about 210lbs). Today is my 4th day of my restart and I am more certain than ever that this is a diet my body needs right now.

This time, I did not suffer any kind of ‘keto flu’. In fact, by the 2nd day, I already felt slightly more energetic than usual. Without my normal and awful dietary choices, my body was already feeling less sluggish. As of this morning (of day 4) I’m already down to 93.1kg (205lbs) from flushing out water weight. I feel so full of energy today too. I went to bed a little bit after midnight and woke up an hour early this morning and worked out. I hadn’t planned to get up early, but when my first alarm went off (I’m that person: who sets 500 alarms lol), I was wide awake and ready to start my day.

What am I going to do differently?

Dietary-wise, I want to drink a little less caffeine and more tea (green probably). Kind of included in that is less artificial sweeteners (I can’t drink bitter coffee, so I load it up with keto-approved sweeteners). I also want to try to eat a little less meat. I love me some meat, but vegetables are important too, plus I can eat a bigger variety of foods if I try to switch things up a little.

Workout-wise, last go-round I didn’t start working out until around month 3. This time I’m starting early. I’m doing Autumn Calabrese’s 21 day fix from Beachbody. I really liked it last time and it made me feel really strong and it was a workout I really enjoyed. I might also throw in some fun cardio like dancing or something.

Mentality-wise, I’m not going to beat myself up anymore, or hold myself up to impossible standards. Last time, I really let myself down, I’ll admit it. As much as I told myself I didn’t have to be perfect, when I fell off track for a few days, I lost my heart and couldn’t get back into the swing of things. And the more the scale went up, the more I hated myself and the less motivation I had (crazy, right?). But for me, when I was on Keto, I had so much love for myself. I was proud of the changes I was making in my life and how great my body looked and felt. Letting go of Keto, I also let go of that feeling. Positivity, self-care, self-forgiveness, strive to be better, all that went out the window. So this time, I am going to try not to give up no matter what. Even if I backslide a little, this time I won’t let a little side-tracking shame me from following this journey all the way.

New Journey= New stats

Starting weight: 95.5kg (210lbs)

Measurements: Chest (41 inches), Arms (12.5 inches), Waist (39 inches), Hips (43 inches), Thighs (25 inches).

Seeing those inches come right back hurt. As well as not being able to fit any of my clothes anymore! But no matter, I will work them off once again. Honestly, my diet has been crazy the past couple of months, like I just threw caution to the wind and ate whatever I wanted. The self-sabotage is too real. So, I’m not surprised my body ballooned so much. Maintenance is important too!

See you soon ^^

End of Month 3 wow

May 7th to August 7th here we are! I never imagined I would get this far or feel this great. Especially my birthday was 6 days ago and I feel like I met it with a totally different mindset and as a totally different person that last year. Now I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I’m perfect or that this journey has been easy and free of mistakes. But the point is that it is a journey and that I don’t have to be perfect; I just have to keep pushing forward. Let’s take a look at the stats.

My weight as of this morning was 83.3kg (183.6lbs). Waist: 33 inches. Chest: 36 inches. Hips: 39.5 inches. Left arm: 11.5 inches. Right arm: 11 inches. Thighs: 23 inches. Body fat: 32.3%. Muscle: 31.7%.

This comes to a total of 30 pounds (13.6kg) in 3 months! -5.5 inches on my waist, 4 inches around my chest, 1 inch from my left arm and 1.5 inches from my right arm, 1 inch from my thighs, -8.7% body fat, and +3.2% muscle.

I’m personally pleased with my results this month. Especially because I reached my first goal!! Getting out of the 190’s was such a big deal for me and I haven’t bounced back up to the 190’s at all. I’ve even touched 184 this month! However, I cheated. Like a lot. I know, I know I should be ashamed. But I’m not. My mom and brother flew all the way to Korea to visit me for two weeks. Where I live, there aren’t that many food options unless you like spicy food and we don’t eat spicy food. Like at all. So I did allow myself some allowances. On and off for about 2 weeks (cough, cough). That’s a long time I will admit, but I am fat-adapted and I hopped right back into strict Keto after my birthday.

It’s kind of funny, because my first week of cheating, I continued to drop weight. That was when I reached 184 for the first time. The second week my body was like “Okay, you’re trippin now” lol and my weight started bouncing back up. Around 5 pounds, so I was back to 189. I also started working out the 2nd week of my cheating.

I started the Beachbody workout series 21 day fix with Autumn Calabrese and mannnn are those workouts effective! I also started back up with doing pole fitness twice a week. I’ve been hella sore but also committed and my body feels like it’s becoming stronger so quickly!

Jumping back into Keto after cheating, I wanted to kick it off with a 48-hour fast, but because I was working out so intensely I figured that might not be a good idea. So instead, I did a 24 hour fast and then I egg fasted for 5 days, so that I could still give my body enough nutrition and protein to power through my workouts.

I don’t plan to cheat again anytime soon. I felt like it was worth it with that particular situation, but I still haven’t lost sight of my goals. Rather, I’m trying to be realistic and sustainable. If I stress over being absolutely perfect and losing X amount of weight every month, I’m gonna burn out and get too discouraged to continue on. But because I’m making this a lifestyle, I’m just working to the best of my abilities. Pushing myself to be better, but not hating myself when I backtrack a little.

Also, I’m really starting to regret not taking a before picture. I didn’t imagine I would ever say that, because the thought of taking a picture of my fat and flab gives me the shivers, but I have come so far on the scale and in the inches. Sometimes I look at myself and how much farther I wanna go and I wonder how much bigger I looked back then? 30 pounds ago since starting this journey. Almost 50 pounds since coming to Korea.

Looking at my stats, my arms and thighs haven’t changed that much in 3 months. Also, to be fair, it took me awhile to learn how to measure myself correctly, so some of my beginning stats might not be super accurate. I do carry most of my weight in my stomach and thighs though, so I’m not surprised that most of the inches I’ve lost seem to be in the waist/stomach area. But I am happy 🙂 lol. My stomach has always always been a huge insecurity to me and to look in the mirror every week and see it shrinking? Blows my mind. Also the frame of my body isn’t very wide (like I don’t have wide hips or a big butt or big boobs), so my body just seemed to get rounder with weight, if that makes sense. Like looking at me from the front, I feel like my body doesn’t look that different width-wise because of my body frame. But if you were to look at me from the side, my body is just…thicker (?). Like my stomach and chest (but not boobs) were a lot bigger. I don’t know how to properly describe it.

The before picture was taken in February before the start of my Keto journey and the 2nd picture was taken mid-July, 2.5 months into my journey.

I actually teared up a little when I tried this outfit on and it fit so well. I remember how I felt when I first bought the outfit. The top was tight and constricting and I had to suck in as much as I could to get the skirt to button up all the way. But I wanted to buy the outfit and that was the biggest size it came in. So I bought it and stuffed it in the back of my closet. I didn’t expect it to fit when I tried it on in the second picture and I was amazed. The top was much looser and the skirt was actually a little too big around the waist and kept slipping. The skirt also was a lot longer now that I didn’t fill it out so much. My face also looked slimmer. Although I had been seeing the results on the scale, mostly when I looked in the mirror I just saw myself and how much farther I needed to go. I forgot to fully appreciate just how far I’ve come.

I still want to lose another 40 pounds, but I’m not racing towards it. Rather, I want to try to be healthier and make better decisions every step of the way.

30 day check-in

I am actually so proud of myself haha. Today marks my 30th day on the keto diet. I did not cheat at all, despite having some difficult days. Let’s start with the stats.

I started Keto May 7th, 2019. I weighed 96.9kg (213.6 lbs) and today is June 5, 2019 and I weigh 89kg (196.2 lbs). This is a net loss of 7.9kg or 17.4 pounds! Measurements are as follows:

Starting: Waist-38.5 inches. Thighs-24 inches. Arms-12.5 inches. Chest: 40 inches. Body fat%-41%. Muscle%-28.5%.

Ending: Waist-35.5 inches. Thighs-22.5 inches. Arms: 12 inches. Chest 39 inches. Body fat%-36.8%. Muscle%-29.8%

Difference: I lost 3 inches in the waist, 1.5 inches in the thighs, half an inch in the arms, 1 inch in the chest, and 4.2% body fat. I gained 1.3% muscle.

I am honestly amazed at the results. I have never ever achieved results like this. Even when I have lost weight in the past through dieting and exercising, my measurements didn’t change this much. Especially my waist. I’ve always carried most of my weight in my stomach, so honestly I figured I’d just always have a big belly. But in just a month it has shrunk a lot. Although I made a 30 day commitment, I want to try to continue this lifestyle. It’s sustainable and it works.

So how did my past 30 days go? Let’s talk about the good and bad.

The good: My body feels better. I don’t know exactly how to explain it, but my body just feels lighter and more energetic. I don’t feel sluggish and uncomfortable from eating all those bad foods. I’ve also gotten better with my emotional eating. Some days I did still reach for a keto-friendly snack when I was feeling really stressed (have you ever stress-ate almonds? #thestruggle) but I have gotten much better at resisting the urge to eat sweet things when I’m upset. I’ve realized how much of my life revolved around food. I was constantly snacking or wanting to get a snack, but with Keto and Intermittent fasting, I know what I can eat and when I can eat and honestly I know this may sound weird, but it feels kind of freeing (well until cravings kick in). Also, I’m just not as hungry anymore nor do I have intense cravings usually. Somedays I do a 24 hour fast just because I feel like it and have no trouble with it. I also don’t feel the need to eat until I’m completely full anymore. I’ve also been experimenting more in the kitchen (I don’t like to cook haha) and I’ve realized that I’m fairly capable in the kitchen. My skin is also so much better. The water here in Korea has been harsh on my skin and I’ve broken out a lot, but after a month on Keto, my skin has pretty much stopped breaking out. PCOS can problems with hair growth, acne, mood swings, weight gain around the waist, and menstrual problems and I think I’ve seen some improvement in most of these areas over the past month.

The bad: Sometimes the struggle is real. I did get hit with the Keto flu for about 2 days, but it honestly wasn’t that bad. My bowels have been unpredictable (tmi). It’s not an everyday problem, but a few days a week. The first couple of weeks it was keto diarrhea and the last couple of weeks it’s been constipation. It’s a little more uncomfortable to go out with friends. They want to eat things I can’t have like fries and ice cream and if we go out to dinner, I have to veto the options that I can’t eat. Similarly, if I know I have plans to be out all day long, so I need to eat my meals out of house (honestly I usually just try to fast those days because it’s easier). Food is just not as accesible or in variety in Korea as it is in the States. My food choices are pretty limited and I can’t even order a lot of Keto-friendly stuff to ship here. Hopefully this was just a one-off, but my period came early and lasted 2 weeks. I was miserable. I do have PCOS so my hormones are all screwed up so…

My 30 days are over!!! I’m super excited to continue this journey and keep doing my best. Let’s see how long I can resist the call of carbs and sugar haha. ^^

What is Keto? A brief intro

So what is this crazy thing that I am doing? The Ketogenic diet. I am neither a scientist nor a nutritionist, but I will briefly explain a little about keto. Keto is a pattern of eating that doctors have used for people with epilepsy, for example. While it’s crazy to think that the way you eat could even help to decrease seizures for a serious illness, that just goes to show how important what we put into our bodies is. The Ketogenic diet is a low carb, high fat, moderate protein diet. Usually in terms of macronutrients it looks like: 5% carbs, 70% fat, and 25% protein. Our bodies use carbs as it’s main source of fuel. Yummy yummy carbs that our body craves and our brain rewards us for eating. However, on a Ketogenic diet, you deprive your body of those carbs by eating less than 50g of carbs a day (most Keto dieters start out with 20g or less). Without the carbs to use as fuel, your body has to turn to the next source of fuel: fat. That sounds counterintuitive- lose fat by eating fat? However, without carbs, the body has no choice but to burn fat for energy instead. In the beginning, it’s kind of a shock to the body. You might go through something termed as the “keto flu” in the first week, where you may feel tired, dizzy, etc. You will also drop a lot of water weight (generally up to 7 pounds, but I’ve heard of people losing as much as 15) as your body uses up the stored carbs in the first week (carbs hold onto a lot of water). Once your body realizes it doesn’t have enough carbs to fuel itself, it will start producing ketones, hence the name Ketosis diet, as your body goes into a state called ketosis when it does this.

There are many benefits to the Keto diet. As their body becomes accustomed to Keto, many people report losing a lot of weight, alleviating symptoms for all kinds of ailments like PCOS (which I have), pre-diabetes, hyperthyroidism, infertility, etc. They also report feeling more energy, better sleep, better mental clarity, less hunger, and more.

I personally just started my 3rd week of Keto. During week 1 I lost 8 pounds. I went through the keto flu for about 2 days and I peed allllll the time because I drank a lot of water (Keto makes you thirsty!). In week 2 I lost 3.5 more pounds, and 2 inches off my waist. I noticed that I did have a lot more energy, better mood, and generally did not feel as hungry. The hardest part of Keto is that you can’t cheat (well you can but that would be very sad) because cheating can kick your body out of ketosis, so you basically have to start back over. People who have been on the diet for a few months and have become “fat-adapted” to where their body has completely shifted and grown accustomed to burning fat for fuel, can better re-enter ketosis after cheating. Some of them are also able to eat more carbs (30-50g) without being out of ketosis.

In addition to Keto, I am also doing intermittent fasting. I follow the 16/8 method, where I have an eating window for 8 hours and I fast for 16 (including sleep). Usually my window is even shorter. I give myself from 12:30-8:30 to eat but I usually stop eating around 6 or 7 to be honest. Intermittent fasting also has great benefits in terms of health and weight loss by itself so I feel it’s kind of a double whammy, combining it with Keto. But, I feel GREAT. My body feels good now that I’m not stuffing it with processed foods and sugar and carbs all the time. I want to try the Keto diet for 30 days to see how I feel and what it does to my body, and if I can, make it a lifestyle.